Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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