You made me cry and you don't even care
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
