I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
