he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
