so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
