he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
