not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
