you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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