That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
we're so committed to being not committed
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
