i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
