her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize
