brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
