More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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