Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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