how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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