i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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