the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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