I have demons in me.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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