I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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