Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
