Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You have to summon your inner elephant
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
