I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
