I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
