And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
