I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
