I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
