ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
