she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
