in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
