Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
