Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
