It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
