Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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