Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
FUCK WHALES
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
