Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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