Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm like, not good at living.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
