She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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