Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
