i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
