He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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