i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
