I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
