I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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