dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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