she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
