i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
