god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
