I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I supernannyed him into submission
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
