if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
