How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
