I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
