he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
