I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
