Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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