Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
