I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
