i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
