There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Couch. On fire.
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