so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Damn victory sex feels great
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
